April 10, 2009

Shttr: I fear for our future

I am morally opposed to twitter - I think the concept is absurd. Sure, I use my facebook status and my AIM away message, but I use them to post funny things - not to tell my friends that I'm drinking coffee or that I'm in the bathroom or I'm changing my socks. If you need to know these things, you are bordering on obsession. You can call it "following" someone's "tweets" all you want - but sane people call it stalking someone's life. And the term "tweets"?!? Come on.        
So my curiosity got the better of me and I finally went to twitter.com where all of my worst fears were realized. There is an instructional video, teaching you how to use twitter. (If you need a video to teach you how to use twitter, perhaps you should wear your helmet for the full 24 hours in the day, like your doctor originally suggested). Anyway, yes, I watched the video... and now I only have seven days to live.   
In the video we get to "Meet Carla", a paper cut-out who "recently discovered a passion for Van Halen." Lee LaFever, the narrator with the most annoying nasaly voice ever, tells us that "you wouldn't send an e-mail to your friend to tell them you're having a cup of coffee, they don't need to know that," but then tries to convince you to get a twitter account to write that exact thing that "people don't need to know."

Video Highlight: "Carla didn't know that Stephen in Seattle was a baseball fan"

Video Lowlight: "the little messages from twitter painted a picture of her friends, family, and co-workers that she had never seen before... it was the real world" ...really??? was it the real world?

What scares me the most is that the people at twitter.com are taking themselves seriously with this video - watch for yourself: TWITTER INSTRUCTIONAL VIDEO

Then watch this satire: FLUTTER DOCUMENTARY 
"at first I was all 'there's no I in nanoblogging'... but yeah there is"

PS I'm wearing my flutter-eyes right now
PPS "TWITTER KISSES!" (clarification, I say this to mock - and I mock because I care)
"Every time you write that I think a brain cell dies" -Rachel Jakab

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